ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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