There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
