I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
