my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
