I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
