they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize