Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
