I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
