Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize