Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
