you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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