I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
