the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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