But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
