i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
