I think i peed on brittanys purse
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
