he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
