Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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