just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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