Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
