Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
