I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
