I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize