just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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