It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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