If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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