You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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