he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
