Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
