Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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