She said her name was "party"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
