she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
