Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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