I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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