I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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