i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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