Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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