it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
