Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
