I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
