im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
