His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
