Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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