Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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