Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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