You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
