So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
