hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
4 words: hood of his car
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize