you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
