Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Found the puke drawer
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have aggressive nipples.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize