Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
