perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the condom got lost in my hair
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
