I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What a dumb baby whore.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
