Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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