I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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