I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
