dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
