i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
