Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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