I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
zippers are such a cool invention
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
