I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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