So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I could make wine with my vomit
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
