At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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