we have officially lost it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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