Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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