I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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