Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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