k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
