you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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