I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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