She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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